Hail, Misanthrop!

My mum said to me today that she hates students because they have a feeling of superiority she cannot abide. There was a boy, years ago, who met her while visiting me here. He sat on our balcony and told her how "we are the elite" and that "where we have been we have been taught how to be it." My mum didnt really do school and worked and worked instead. She is someone now. But having a boy who had it all thrust at him from angles unknown to her drink himself stupid on her balcony, throw up in her toilet and pollute his mind under her roof telling HER that HE was the elite struck a nerve and she did not forget it.

This elitism is a twisted trait to have as a human being- a using others as stepladders to make yourself feel taller, using yourself as a tool to fall into line with an ego who never was your friend. I think people are wonderful and I think i have always held them a bit in high regard. It ebbs and flows this opinion- I am not without my seasons. Well I think highly of them compared to others I've met who believe "90% of the population should be burned". We are sick and marvellous and should not be cinders. It is a child's view-a very short child's view. And who would the child be without this 90% that make it so happy with itself? We hate eachother and hate ourselves, we selfdestruct and selfindulge and my god is it good to do so- provided you know some obscure artists and bands to segregate yourself from the surplus population all about doing the same thing. That you try hard is a given, and that you are afraid. Doesn't matter if you would base yourself to lay with one of them just to feel your height, you my child, are one cut above the rest.

The people that I see in denner...I should by rights feel very stroked in my special ego place. I especially enjoy the bitching of the past-it older women in laguages I understand but with motives I do not. What drama that makes for.

Here are my top 10 daily-Dennerites:
1) Gremlin man. Yes you, with the huge droopy ears and frightening visage- who cough and splutter, run in panting like a wild beast to buy your 30p beer every morning 8am sharp. You are a punctual fairy tale.
2)Whiny girl and anorexic mum- I enjoy your straw hats/ straw bags and all your things straw. You are a peadophile's wet dream.
3) Junkie who likes to play with his false teeth- the suction noise it causes are so very sickening. I resist asking why you have a complete set of false teeth at the relatively tender looking-age of forty.
4) The obese lady who gets all the 50% off meat- you wear the same stripy top and leggings EVERY SINGLE DAY. You do not smell, but they are not flattering. I have some questions for you.
5) Mullet-man who enjoys tidying the shelves ferociously. You do help us, but you are a little weird. But I believe in sayings, so best not look you in the mouth, horse man.
6) The at-home woman who is astounded at finding the same toothpaste and things she has "at home" dwell at the shop also. I want to tell you there are many toothpastes of the sort. And you are quite mad.
7) The english-haterman.You screamed your disgust at the filthy "englis rag-pack" the "root of all modern and ancient evil" unprompted into the silent tram at 7am, and then turned up at m yvery own till 2 hours later in a white lab coat and bought 10kg of flour. Suspicious.
8)The clairevoyant. You are strange looking it has to be said, but your way of keeping your dog barking outside all through your sejourn at the shop so you know he has not been dognapped, is INGENIOUS.
9)Miss rollerblades- every daily shop in your roller blades. And you have never even knocked over any wine bottles. I have. 9litres of red wine look like a massacre.
10)Lady with the hair in traditional looped-roud-head plaits. You came in twice in two different dresses the same day to buy all the same things. I liked both of them.

Now who can look at this list and declare their hatred for humanity? Sometimes I am moved to tears.Sometimes I dream that I will go up to a group of strangers, ask for a light and imply a real one but really mean a metaphor, sit down and tell them everything about me. And then just leave and they'll remember me for not just being a failing monster.

Ketchup

kI have not written in ages, there have been too many things afoot.
1) The isles of Orkney where we drove 12 hours to see the whales I was determined dwelt there: they do not. Magnus and Magnus (apparently everyone is called Magnus) told us that Old Sam Jenkins or some such goes out on his boat everyday and in 30 years has only seen them thrice. O the disgusting lies of the Scottish tourist board.
2)Spain with Blue and famille. I met a tiny catling in a bar, she was shaven and missed an eye. I plotted all manner of things in my head so I could take her home, another one to add to the Miss-meow collection, having acquired the first as a reaction to my "swine flu". In the words of Lulu-love "the ultimate impulse buy".
3) Denner work. in switzerland. in their equivalent of asda.It is the place where the mad congregate; the OAA (over age anorexics) prostitues, the men who talk instead of thinking, the woman who does her shopping everyday in roller skates. I spend 12 hours a day trying to rise above, pretending the boxes of goods I open to fill the shelves are all Christmas presents and I am excited to see what's inside. I feel like I smell Denner on me, I even dream of my fly rescuing endeavors, where I try and save the ones who persist in crawling over the cheese/yoghurt in the giant fridge and freeze to death. It's their idea of heaven. As everything, they are ever determined to get and stay there.

Anyway, as I said I have not written in a while. maybe it's because some things are sacred and I feel like I would have to save up for years to have enough of anything-skill, thought, eloquence- to stamp it onto something. I think what I mean really, is that I wish I would write more these days; write it and feel it less. Switzerland is not treating me kindly, and I miss my Mr Blue. I couldn't really find the words to wring for the emotions that are just sitting on their little throne and at present wish me to suffer. But now, an itch in my fingers, a hum through me and TADAH I am a vocation.The breath catches purple when it has something to say, and I know my voice has changed.Changed itself, or been changed by a riot or really "feeling it" or something cruel. I don't know yet.
This preserving of thoughts is only an arrogant self-love anyway. And I do hate people who love themselves. Shouldn't trust people who fall in love so easily.