The Place is Alone

Sylvia said: I talk to God, but the sky is empty.


I think it's an unfair thing to say. Maybe she should not have looked for people to talk to in the sky, but rather focused her verbal endeavors on something closer to her home. Maybe she should just have talked to herself a little more. Actually, I do not doubt that she did that one bit. Selves give the best answers, and most of the time they know better about what you really want to say than your words do. No one else hears you like you do.
I rarely think about the things I say. Not even when I say them to myself.

A blog is a funny thing. You are trying to talk to people you don't know and the only one whose reaction you know and can understand and need to know and understand are yours, because you sit alone while you write your things. But still you are trying to shake their hand, say your name and your age and your interests and want to make them listen.
We talk to the internet, but God is empty.

I got given a leaflet today advertising God like a takeaway, and his love and so on. They said that he loves us more than anything. They quoted a bit from the bible: "where there is love God dwelleth". I don't know much about other people's God or Gods and their conception of things holy and comforting that demand absolute conviction and belief. To be honest I would rather never talk about them and be coherent about opinions and arguments, though to say God lives in our love kind of belittles both concepts.

I have terrible nightmares. All the time. I see things that I've never seen awake, and hopefully never will. I see things that terrify me and they leave those feelings lingering, to follow me through the day. They dictate the pace and the views and the worries of it.
The minutes after I wake up are always the worst because I remember everything exactly and the feelings are strongest, stretched so far over me that I see nothing else. Though the things that have caused me them are all gone. In those minutes I am capable of believing anything.
I would never mock anyone for believing anything ridiculous. Not even that man who says the Queen and other world leaders are secretly lizards dressed up. You don't need reasonable reasons for believing things, you just need a gut feeling and a mind that likes to read too much into nothing. Belief is probably the best self preservation tool we have.

I left the God-leaflet in the 176 bus. Maybe it'll tell someone more than it told me.